When I won’t offer Compassion
I am recently a first-time father, and the birth of my daughter did exactly what every parent said it would: it changed EVERYTHING. And I couldn’t understand that until she was born. It forever changed my perspective on work, on life, on people, my sleep patterns, etc.
I have a very VERY hard time watching movies that show harm toward a child. I can’t watch “Precious” or “The Lovely Bones.” When I watched “The Blind Side,” I admit that when it was revealed how alone this main character was, I teared up for this poor child.
Chelsea King
In the news here in Southern California, and I’m sure the rest of the nation, the disappearance of 17-year-old Chelsea King has been headlining newspapers and station broadcasts. When I heard that police discovered her body, and charged John Albert Gardner III with her rape and murder, I haven’t stopped thinking about Chelsea’s parents.
All I want to do is protect my little girl. From any pain, any heartache. But I know parents can’t keep their kids in a bubble. To lose your child like the Kings lost Chelsea, I can’t imagine the inconsolable pain and irreparably damaging sorrow Gardner has caused.
How could someone do things like that to a child? As I think more about Chelsea’s parents, I admit that I think about revenge.
When I imagine if, God forbid, I was in Chelsea’s parents shoes, I never think about killing him myself. I would want him to get the death penalty, yes, but I would never make a reality of a “Law & Order” episode. It wouldn’t serve my family or me to take an eye for an eye.
What I do imagine is the physicalization of this…unleashed…fire within. Think about animals in the wild: a mother bear will protect her cubs from predators. She’ll attack if they’re threatened. I imagine going ballistic on Gardner. Uncontrollable. A way of trying to protect my child posthumously. Again, God forbid, I’m ever in such a situation.
I won’t show compassion toward Gardner. He already served time for similar actions, and the parole board was advised that Gardner would be a repeat offender. He was released. He raped and killed a child. Gardner does not deserve any compassion.
Rest in peace, Chelsea. May God Bless You and Keep You, and help your family to heal.
Hi, Radiant Tale. Glad to have you aboard. And congratulations on your daughter’s birth!
I’m don’t want to pick an argument with you on your first day here especially because I agree completely with you about how evil Gardner’s work has been, but having surprised myself at forgiving some tough things and having been fortunate enough to know the daughter of a murder victim and more than one serious child abuse victim, I’m actually pretty hopeful about our capacity for forgiveness or maybe more accurately our capacity to participate in forgiveness. Who knows, you and God together might be better at compassion, healing, and forgiveness than you have reason to suspect at this time.
Hi, Charlotte,
You’re absolutely right: you should forgive, but not forget. And I’ve thought a lot about this guy, and how he clearly has an illness and needs help. A lot of it.
Perhaps this also gives light to a flaw in me: that while for my own ability to heal, I would need to forgive him his transgressions. But to show sympathy, to “share his suffering,” I feel – having never been in this position as you have – that doing so would take away from the victim’s family’s own grief and my compassion toward them.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, and I am sorry you have had to experience such atrocities through friends.
So, yes, forgive. And if this were 40 days of forgiveness, I would have written that differently.
I guess I’m a work in progress then.