40 Days of Compassion

Malcolm Lee Pearman

Day Four

For much of my adolescence, I sought ways to define myself relative to other kids at school. There were all kinds of venues to carve out a niche: cub scouts, AWANAs, football, track and field, the classroom, even the school bus. If I poked fun at enough people then I could become known as “The Really Funny Guy”. If I behaved and aced my tests then I could earn the “Super Smart Guy” title. But wouldn’t that detract from opportunities to achieve the “Rebel” role — the one all the girls liked? These were all matters to consider, and consider them with great might I did!

I quickly found filling the lettermen’s jacket with little footballs and basketballs and gold stars to be the easiest way for me to stand out, to become a distinguished individual. Nevermind that some days I would make a point of high-fiving the school’s least popular folks. Those did nothing for my brand name. Touchdowns and sports awards did. Hence, this is where the majority of my energy flowed.

It’s ironic that most of my consciousness work in adulthood is concerned with transcending the greatest ideals of my youth: winning, appearing successful, and otherwise finding as many ways as possible to distinguish myself from others.

While the form of the game changed as I transitioned into the real world, the function stayed the same: become famous, become something different, become something few can become…Hollywood is so fantastic about giving folks the opportunity to achieve just that! So that’s where I went. There, it didn’t matter that I was super successful as an actor. What really mattered was that my dream was so much cooler than the average joe from Hillsboro High School.

The Question Becomes…

When are we going to break out of this childish mode of thinking? When are we going to trade in our competitive gloves for a smile that embraces everyone as equal? When are we going to divert all of this “get ahead” thought and time and money and energy into healing what’s broken?

These questions hit me hard just about two and half blocks down the road from Malcolm Lee Pearman, the man begging for help outside of Safeway tonight when I was racing to get home from yoga. I wasn’t necessarily feeling cheery despite my very peaceful session of stretching and deep breathing. My eyes were bloodshot and I was feeling the effects of little sleep and a stressful work day. So I paid Malcolm my respects as I jogged by, a little head nod and a small smile just to let him know I cared. Yeah, cause clearly I felt his situation in my heart, right?

Right, no. For two blocks I jumped back and forth between the notion of going back and continuing home. Just when the latter was about to win the battle, the question hit me:

When Am I Going to Change the Way I Do Life?

It doesn’t take much. I turned back and asked Malcolm if I could offer him a meal. He was stunningly sober and incredibly appreciative. A Vietnam Vet with a recently replaced knee (the one from birth got an AK-47 slug through it, leaving him wheelchair-bound for 20+ years), he was visiting from the Oregon coast to get involved with a VA program to help vets start their own businesses. Malcolm is determined to start a tree removal service on the windy coast. I believe 100% that he’s going to do it. He has warm, compassionate blue eyes. I know because I looked.

After getting him a nice chicken dinner (with potato skins “because they really fill me up”) and discussing his next steps, I continued running home with a good feeling in my gut. “What a lovely exchange,” I said to myself with a smiling heart.

But then I thought about the cynics, my brother for one. Those who will undoubtedly scoff and call it a “poorly disguised attempt to gain positive attention and a pat on the back”. And I was back to being frustrated: I can’t win!!

Baloney.

Dear cynics, I get your concern. I get the suspicion. Given the amount of times our public leaders (golf has one) have pulled the rug out from underneath us, maybe it’s healthy to question if we’re just doing this “40 Days of Loving the World” to get another gold star on our letterman’s jackets. I get it, I’ve thought about it, and I want nothing to do with another form of self-aggrandizement. I believe we all have the faculty to shift consciousness and become aware of an archetypal desire to help our fellow man/woman/planet. I believe we all have what it takes to love another for no other reason than to accomplish the task one senses we’ve been sent to learn. And finally, I believe you could tap into that sense if you turned off the fascinating control mechanism that is your mind.

This reasoning can only be discovered in the heart and spirit.